38 Random Acts of Kindness

I've had some pretty spectacular birthdays.

Backyard birthday parties, birthday parties at the roller-skating rink.
  

One year, a friend of mine flew me out to Los Angeles to stay with her. We went to Santa Barbara, had brunch at The Ivy, and the best gift of all – she gave me my sweet Bella during that trip.

  I've had karaoke parties...several, actually.

Parties at bars, restaurants...  

One year, Jeff surprised me with a front row ticket to see Smokey Robinson on my birthday.

Another year, a friend surprised me with a trapeze lesson for my birthday.

I can't help but look back and count my blessings.

This year - as I made out a list of invitees for a dinner party followed by some sort of bar or karaoke shenanigans - I Googled "ideas for my birthday" and found a website of a woman who celebrated HER 38th birthday in a really special and unique way. I was so touched by her blog and felt so strongly that this was a 'sign', that I decided that was how I wanted to celebrate.

So, for my 38th birthday I celebrated by committing one random act of kindness for every year of my life. I spread out the good deeds over the course of Saturday, Sunday, and my actual birthday today, Monday. Jeff joined me on my journey as I chatted with the homeless, loved on abandoned kitties, visited the OB unit at the hospital, handed out balloons to wide-eyed children (it's amazing how excited they were for something as simple as a balloon!), and jumped fences to get into playgrounds. He got to experience the tears, the overwhelming emotion of the people whose lives we touched, and the frustration (flat tire). It meant the world to share these experiences with Jeff - it really was bittersweet.


The little random acts of kindness bags had these notes in them


For all my friends who would like to “celebrate” with me, I encourage you to fulfill one (or more, if you’re feeling crazy) random act of kindness and let me know about it throughout the day. Share your story with me - call me, leave a note on my facebook wall, text me, email me.

Our random acts of kindness:
1). Dropped off donuts at the vet's office
2). Brought shopping carts inside

3). Held the door open for a family at the library
4). Left $1 with a note in two different library books in the children's area
(These were two of my favorites as a kid - "Charlotte's Web" and "The Mouse & the Motorcycle")

5). Left change on the playground in the park (no choking hazards, promise)

6). Gave a grandmother, with two small grand kids, at the laundromat the exact change for her wash - this was one of the most emotional moments of the day

7). Gave a little girl outside WalMart a pink balloon
8). Left quarters in the toy machines inside WalMart

9). Gave a blue balloon to a little boy outside Costco
10). Gave a pink balloon to a little girl in line at Costco

11). Dropped off supplies at a cat shelter
12). Loved on kitties at the cat shelter

13). Left change on the playground at a church
14). Left baggies with exact change taped to vending machines at the hospital

15). Brought bags of candy to the nurse's station at the hospital (they directed us to the OB unit) :)
16). Left flowers with the nurse's station and asked them to give them to someone who might need some sunshine

17). Gave a green balloon to a little boy outside the hospital (he was about to be a big brother!)
18). Brought bags of candy to the nurse's station at Hospice
19). Left baggies with exact change taped to the vending machines at Hospice

20). Gave a blessing bag to a homeless fella

21). Gave a blessing bag to a homeless fella
22). Gave a blessing bag to a homeless fella
23). Washed Jeff's car and filled it up with gas

24). Gave a Dunkin Donuts gift card to a woman with a baby at a bus stop
25). Donated items to charity
26). Complimented a stranger
27). Stacked chairs in the food court at the mall as they were closing

28). Sent a random gift in the mail to a friend
29). Sent a card with a note in the mail to a friend
30). Donated candy to a school
31). Sent a photo and a note in the mail to a friend to reminisce
32). Sent a photo and a note in the mail to a friend to reminisce
33). Sent a photo and a note in the mail to a friend to reminisce
34). Sent a photo and a note in the mail to a friend to reminisce
35). Sent a card in the mail to a friend
36). Brought in candy treats for work
37). Wiped down both the sinks in the ladies room at work
38). Made eye contact with everyone I came in contact with and smiled


There really is no greater reward than the feeling you get by giving back to others. I was hesitant starting out and even ran into a couple roadblocks within the first two acts, but once I got the momentum going it was a perfect weekend/birthday.

Thank you for allowing me to share my birthday with you. Please don't forget to let me know how you gave back today!

Delay

”You may delay, but time will not.” - Benjamin Franklin

My Facebook feed is peppered with statuses and photos captioned #YOLO. Be adventurous! Take chances! But there's an important lesson I've learned recently and that is the understanding that you may only get one opportunity to do it right the first time; we're never guaranteed a second chance. That’s probably why #YOLT didn’t catch on.

Every moment from my past, good or bad, has shaped me into the person I am today. I've made some terrible mistakes and learned from them, but I don't view those moments as regrets, rather learning experiences. At the same time, I honestly can’t say I’ve lived a life with no regrets; at least not after this past year.

My Dad had two brothers, John and Julian, and two sisters, Lavinia and Mae. After my Dad passed away in 2003, my Mom became the medium in bridging the gap to keep us connected with the Groover side of the family. So, when my Mom passed away in 2009, we all just sort of fell out of touch with our extended Groover relatives.

It wasn’t until I lost my parents that I began to truly appreciate and understand how precious it was to spend time with the people you love while you still have them here. I made sure to ask my Mom questions, to take pictures, to record her voice, take video of her telling family stories. I often regretted not doing this with my father and wish I knew more about him and my Groover roots.



Mae Day Groover - Ritter



A couple years ago I picked up the phone and called my Dad’s sister, my Aunt Mae, in Texas. What did I know about Aunt Mae besides I hadn’t personally spoken with her in years? I knew she was named after her mother, Ena Mae; she was born on May 1^st, May Day; and was aptly named “Mae Day Groover”…no joke. As I dialed her number, I got a lump in my throat thinking, “What if she doesn’t answer? What if she already died and I’ve missed the opportunity to talk to her?” When I heard her 90-year-old trembling voice on the other end, my eyes welled up with tears. We spoke for about 45 minutes and she regaled me with stories about my Dad and what life was like growing up with her 4 brothers and sisters. 

My grandfather, uncle, and aunts



My great-grandparents grave in Savannah, GA



I grinned ear to ear at every new revelation and feverishly scribbled down her words so every story could be recalled later. She then suggested I call my Aunt Lavinia (named after her grandmother) who, as she said, “Has the best memory of all us kids” and get more information. My Aunt Lavinia lived in Canal Point, which is a tiny community settled around Lake Okeechobee, lots of sugarcane fields, and only about an hour’ish drive from my house. My Dad would visit her from time to time but, for some reason, I had never been out there. On the rare occasion, I’d see her at funerals and family celebrations, but the last time I had spoken with her was the night my Mom passed away. After I hung up with my Aunt Mae, I resolved to go visit my Aunt Lavinia and spend time with her – after all, she was the closest living relative to my Dad that I still had. Weeks went by…months…I would call my brother, Chris, and discuss how we would go next weekend or the weekend after that…and even though she was only a short drive away, I never went.

I thought of her often and knew I wanted to go see her but I always put if off. Over time, procrastination turned to dread as I imagined I had missed my chance. Finally, I picked up the phone and called my Aunt Lavinia. My heart dropped when I heard the recording, “This number is no longer in service.” I was flushed with sadness, expecting the worst but still hoping for the best as I typed her name in the Google search engine: Lavinia Parker. It turned up just one result: 

Lavinia G. Parker, age 94 of Murray, Ky., 

formerly of Canal Point, Fla.,

passed away Sunday, October 30, 2011 in Murray, Ky.



Lavinia Archer Groover - Parker



There's no way to get that time back. I will never get a second chance to ask those questions (at least not while I'm on earth anyway). I needed to pick up the phone two years ago and call her; a lesson learned, but always a regret.
My Aunt Mae passed away in September 2011, just one month before her sister. I am so thankful to have shared time with her so I could piece together a few of the scraps that make up the quilt of our Groover family. I’ll always wish I knew more about my German/Swedish lineage and about the Groover/Johannson traditions. 

And now, a new generation of Groovers are busy making memories with their families. Armed with the details I do have, I'll do my best to honor old traditions and create new beginnings with my family someday. 

When your loved ones go, they take their memories with them. Engage them in conversation and record every precious word. Visit with them and record their expressions and inflection as they recall moments from the past. Share the legacy with generations to come and keep the memory alive. You (and they) only live once!  

Expression of Gratitude

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

- William Arthur Ward

There’s a thank you card that sits on my desk at home, signed by all of us Groover kids. It was my responsibility to write a personalized note to our Hospice Team for all they did for us in the months, weeks, days, and hours leading up to my Mom’s passing. Three years later, it still sits on my desk, waiting for those perfect words to express the immense amount of gratitude we felt as a family. How could I possibly put into words ALL they meant to us?

My first experience with Hospice came when I visited my Uncle Bill at the Gerstenberg Center in West Palm Beach. He was in the advanced stages of cancer and I was going to say my final goodbyes. This man was always smiling, always laughing, always had a joke or witty remark. Now he was surrounded by tears, where once laughter had been. It was incredibly sobering. I remember my Aunt fussed that Hospice was keeping him sedated by administering copious amounts of morphine. I remember my Mom had echoed my Aunt’s concerns and before long, my first impression of Hospice was, “Hospice = drugs = death."

Hospice was reintroduced into my life the summer of 2008. My Mom was now showing advanced signs of cancer and my sister, Ginger, a nurse, discussed the possibility of having Hospice come into the home to look after her and provide medical support. Not nursing care, just simple routine checks. My Mom’s only impression of Hospice was “that’s where people go to die”, “having them here will advance my death”, and “they’re going to dope me up and kill me.” Unable to convince my Mom otherwise, we had a family meeting in the home with a Hospice Coordinator to discuss, frankly, the benefits of having home Hospice care. This was not only an education for my Mom, but also for me and several of my brothers and sisters, who only had that negative connotation of what services Hospice provides. My Mom was free to voice her concerns and get answers to her questions. She gave them strict instructions on what her wishes would be in the coming months (including morphine distribution) and then she very bluntly asked them if they were there because she was going to die. We all knew her situation was terminal, but the Hospice coordinator explained that they stay on for 6 months and if the patient shows signs of improvement, they withdraw their services. Sometimes a patient will recover or go into remission. Sometimes a patient thrives and services are not needed for another year down the line. Every case is different and they communicated that they would stay as long as she needed them too. Whew. That put everyone’s mind at ease and, quite honestly, allowed us to live in a small gray area of denial for a little bit longer.

It was over the course of those next few months that we had a clearer understanding of what it meant to have Hospice in the home. Hospice provided an oxygen machine for my Mom. She had a 'tool box' of all sorts of medications she may need, including morphine (both IV and pill form). So my Mom had the freedom to take pain medication as she needed. She could control her dosage and manage her pain - and she appreciated having a voice. A nurse would stop in weekly - for no more than an hour - to check her heart rate, oxygen levels, and talk to my Mom about her pain management needs. If my Mom needed more than a weekly check-up, the Hospice nurse would kindly suggest that next level of attention and ask my Mom's permission to come in more often until they felt comfortable cutting back their visits. There was no fanfare, no frustration, no alarm, and absolutely no inconvenience. It was simple. It was routine. It was easy. And that's exactly how my Mom wanted it - if she had to have it at all.

Late in 2008, the nurse visits became more frequent as my Mom's oxygen levels were constantly being adjusted and her pain managed. She was still taking her pain medicine on her own in pill form. She was still able to get up and walk around and eat at the table with us; she was just beginning to tire more easily. Her best day came just before Christmas of 2008, and she was able to enjoy a beautiful Christmas with her entire family. All 6 of her children piled into the house, with their spouses, significant others, and her grandchildren in tow. My Mom sang Christmas carols, shared stories, laughed, cried, and we made memories that night. Shortly after New Years, we all began to see her condition decline. My Aunt (the Hospice hater) came in from Ohio to stay with my Mom and to provide additional support. Hospice nurses continued their visits, but did not stay overnight. My Aunt was defiant with Hospice at first, given her previous experience with them, but my Mom was able to put her (albeit reluctant) mind at ease that SHE was in control, not Hospice, and that they were respecting her every wish.

One morning in February, she didn’t get out of bed. She was too weak and felt like her legs “wouldn’t work”. I anxiously called her Hospice Nurse who asked me a few questions and calmly reassured me she would be over shortly and would inform the doctor. The next several hours were a blur as the nurse visited and felt it was time to call in the doctor for further evaluation. My Mom’s vital signs were beginning to slow and she was exhibiting more signs of the ever-progressing disease. Before the nurse left, she quietly suggested we call the family so they could make arrangements to be close during this time. They were ordering Crisis Care for my Mom. As my sister explained, that's the team they call in when it's the end. It would be 24-hour around-the-clock care from here on out. The revelation was like a punch in the gut. One by one, we all joined together once again under that roof where many of us had been raised and all of us had shared that wonderful Christmas with her just 2 months earlier. It was just a matter of time.

Each crisis care nurse had their own personality but each was incredibly respectful and always gave the family space. They didn’t sit and watch TV; they weren’t on their smart phones. They were always calm and had such an aura of peace about them. Wherever we were congregating as a family, they would be in an opposite room. It just always seemed to work out like that. They were always “busy” with something, whether it was writing in their report about my Mom’s condition or checking on my Mom. They seemed to float between responsibilities with ease, patience, and calm. As a family we didn’t feel obligated to entertain them or feed them. They just seemed to BE. I don’t even remember them using the bathroom. They were never in the way, even in a small house full of 9 people. They were ever so present, but so unassuming…like angels. There were about three or four nurses on rotation that weekend and they all played an integral role in those final 48-hours leading up to my Mom’s passing. My experience in the past with hospital nurses hadn’t always been pleasant. Many of them lacked bedside manner and they uttered few, if any, comforting words. The Hospice nurses were different. They knew what their role was: to assist in the peaceful passing of someone else’s loved one. And they did it with grace and love. I would nervously chat with the nurse that was on duty and express my feelings about the situation. On one evening, I sat with Maxine (my favorite angel), and told her that my brothers and sisters were laughing in the other room but I was just so angry and I didn’t know why. She said, “Of course you’re angry. You love your Momma. You don’t want to lose her. It’s scary. Everyone expresses emotion in different ways. They’re not wrong for laughing and you’re not wrong for being angry.” *sigh* She was right and her wise advice helped me get through that moment and I joined my laughing siblings in the other room. It ended up being one of the most memorable nights of our lives.

On the morning of my Mom's last day, I sat on her bed as Maxine checked her vitals and I shared how we had all stayed up laughing until dawn (something my Mom would certainly love to know). Maxine leaned into my Mom and smiled, “Oh, I heard your kids laughing last night! Boy, you sure do have some great kids!” to which my Mom breathlessly replied, “My kids, they’re a riot.” As the day went on, we kept our round-the-clock vigil back and forth between the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, the patio…my Mom drifted in and out of consciousness because of the disease, not the morphine. It was a firsthand account of just how this terrible disease sucks the life out of its host. She would be lucid and try to talk and then she’d be still, her breathing labored. The doctor came in that afternoon to check on her and he quietly stepped out of her bedroom and closed the door behind him. Still in that gray area of denial, I think somewhere inside us we were all waiting anxiously to hear those wonderful words, “She’s going to be fine!” Instead he simply said in that familiar Hospice calming tone, “She’s passing. It’s just a matter of hours. Now would be a wonderful time to draw near to her. She can still hear you and she senses touch but will be unable to respond. Hold her hand, talk to her. I’m so sorry.” Throughout the day, we all took turns spending time with our Mom. While Maxine was our nurse that day, she was due to be relieved later that afternoon with a different Hospice RN. With tears in my eyes I begged Maxine to stay with us through the passing. I couldn’t imagine not having HER there when she had been my closest confidante and bended ear during the most difficult time of my life. She explained she would have to allow the other nurse to take over, but (she winked) she was sure there was some shift change ‘paperwork’ that needed to be done.

As my Mom’s breathing became more and more labored, we all knelt around her bedside, placed our hands on her, and spoke to her one by one. We prayed, we laughed, we cracked jokes, and just before 9 p.m. on February 21st, 2009, we gave her back to God. This was exactly how my Mom would have wanted to leave this earth. With grace, dignity, peace, and surrounded by her kids. Hospice took the everyday health care burdens off of our minds so we could concentrate on the most important things like coping, supporting one another, and spending quality time with our Mom. There was enough anxiety and worry that there was no room for anything else. While there are a lot of words here to describe my experience with Hospice, I still feel like I’m unable to capture the spirit of what we actually felt over those precious 48 hours. How Hospice moved in swiftly and with grace to provide us and our Mother with an experience like no other. They provided not only physical care but also emotional care. I’m not sure what the nurses discussed with my Mom when we weren’t there, but I know she too had a peace about her throughout the entire process. My Mom had been in control the entire time and when she was unable to communicate, the nurses turned to my sister, Ginger, for guidance on how to best serve my Mom according to her wishes. All the fear and misconceptions of Hospice had been dispelled and in its place was a new found understanding and appreciation for their services.

For three years I've stared at that card. And here it sits, still void of any expression of gratitude. In 2010 I attempted to volunteer with Hospice, but little obstacles seemed to block the way. On the day of my interview, the alarm was set correctly but didn't go off. On another day, my car broke down. After checking my emotional readiness and taking these coincidences into consideration, I realized it just wasn't time yet. I wasn't ready. But I'm ready now and I became a volunteer with Hospice of Palm Beach County. This time around, everything just fell into place and Hospice and I were again reunited. I went through training last week and visited with my first patient shortly thereafter. I enjoyed our visit so much, I found myself thinking about her all night and looking forward to seeing her again. Again, I find myself at a loss for words to describe this experience and the HONOR it is to visit with such a wonderful person. It is truly a privilege to listen to her life story. I still feel as if it all needs to be chronicled and I want to write down every word, remembering her smile at every inflection. She is at such peace with where she is in her life that I just couldn’t help but fall in love with her immediately. And so, I will continue to visit with my patient until I'm no longer needed. Someday I know I will have to give her back to God as well. Until then, I'm HER angel and an extension of my Mom, and everyone at Hospice of Palm Beach County.

Unfortunately, all of us will be exposed to cancer either directly or indirectly in our lifetime. Some of you may have already experienced Hospice in your life and have your own story to share. There are many ways you can give your time to Hospice. Visit http://hpbc.com/volunteer/ and take a look at all the different volunteer opportunities. There is no obligation or fine print. There's even a volunteer program for professionals in the community who would like to donate services such as: hairdressers, nail technicians, massage therapists, accountants, etc.  Find an area that's right for you, where you’d feel most comfortable spending some time, and be an angel and give. There is no greater reward.

"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life

that you cannot sincerely try to help another without helping yourself."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Commitment & Follow Through

Certain things are easy to commit to, like my boyfriend, getting up every day and going to work, grocery shopping, feeding the cats… Following through with things isn’t as easy for me. I will make plans and write well-thought-out, elaborate lists, but it doesn’t motivate me to actually follow through. Whether it’s returning a phone call or meeting a deadline, I tend to procrastinate. Let me clarify by saying, in my personal life not in my professional life. When rules are set for me, I abide by them but when left to my own devices with no real accountability, I like to just float.
 

I decided to try the Master Cleanse again for a few reasons. The most important reason was that I wanted to prove it to myself that I could actually do this. It's was a 13 day commitment and there was a lot of temptation. The next most important reason was to lose the soft belly I somehow gained after having surgery. And finally, I wanted to rework my diet and eating habits. My friend, Summer, is a vegan and I've been secretly fascinated by the vegan lifestyle for quite a while. I'm not ready to commit to that yet, but I do want to limit certain products in my diet and find healthier alternatives. I need to educate myself more on how to substitute the foods I'm used to eating with better (yet still tasty) choices.

So, if you're reading this, I completed the 13 day cleanse!! It is considered to be one of the more 'drastic' cleanses but it really isn't all that dire. It's a fast, basically, but you are getting minimal nutrients. You can read about the entire process here:  The Master Cleanse. There are highs and lows throughout the 2 week process but ultimately it is doable. While weight loss was not the main objective, I did lose 13 lbs. I will most likely gain it back over the next month or so - it's just a fact. What's important now is making better choices and finding a routine that works for me. I'm starting with a clean slate and it feels really good.

Another lesson learned throughout this process was that with a little discipline and an open mind, you really can accomplish whatever it is you set out to do. I think lack of confidence in the end result can sometimes slow me down. It's also nice to have someone to share your goals with, whether it's a friend, spouse, family member. Jeff is really the only person who knew I was doing a cleanse and he was incredibly supportive. When I got discouraged, he would remind me of what I was trying to accomplish and tell me how proud he was of me. He helped keep me accountable, even if he did it with mini chocolate chip cookies in his mouth.

Would I do it again? Maybe not this particular cleanse. I didn't end up feeling quite the way I had hoped when it concluded. Instead of feeling refreshed, I felt famished, light-headed, and lethargic. Now that I'm eating normally again, I feel so much better. It was a nice restart button for my diet though. Going forward I've adopted healthier eating habits, I'm drinking more water, I’m exercising, and realizing that I love food. All sorts of delicious food. I’m also being super diligent about knowing what’s IN my food and what ingredients I’m putting into my body. And after being hungry for 13 days, I can't stop thinking about food and what I'm going to eat next. Again, making better choices but still really excited for a cheeseburger. Veganism will have to wait.

Never underestimate the power of your intention.

Three

"Time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired." (Robert Southey)

Every year, on the anniversary of my Mom's passing into heaven, I struggle to find a fitting tribute or activity to celebrate her memory.  Last year I poured over photos, watched her favorite movie "Tombstone", and created and listened to a playlist of her favorite songs.  As I type this now, Pat Boone's "Love Letters In the Sand" is playing.  So, this year, I'm doing more reminiscing and still looking through photographs, listening to her music and, during dinner, will be watching Doc Holiday deliver some of the best dialogue in movie history.

 

My story isn’t particularly unique in any way. I'm not the first girl to have lost her parents. If anything, I was blessed to have had the love of a Mother and Father in my life and the opportunity to keep them for as long as God loaned them out to me.

Today I've been retracing my footsteps and remembering where I was each moment of the day leading up to my Mom's death. Tonight will mark three years. I talked to my Mom almost every day of my life. I would start my workday with a phone call to say good morning and to hear about her take on American Idol (or whatever TV show she was enjoying at the moment). Adorably, she would take notes during American Idol and next to each contestant’s name, she would write her thoughts about the performance and then, in a corresponding column, what Paula, Randy and Simon had to say. There’s an endless list of things I miss about her and it seems that every day that passes takes her further and further away from me. And while the tears don't flow as often, the pain still feels as fresh as it did then.

There are moments in your life that change you. Some alter you physically, some spiritually and emotionally - for better or worse. My Mother's death was the most defining moment of my life. It was like I was given written instructions on how to swim, having never put a toe in the water, and was then thrown into the deep end of the pool. Things have never been quite the same as they once were. The words "safe" and "home" were once so familiar to me and are now just a bittersweet memory.

I'm surrounded every day by their presence. When I sing, I hear my Mom's voice and it makes my heart swell. When I get frustrated, I see my Dad's furrowed brow in the mirror and it makes smile. I see them in my dreams some nights and wish we could have those celestial visits more often.

Last night, we found out that my nephew will be welcoming a girl, my parent’s 2nd great-grandchild, into the family this summer. My Mom would have been tickled pink (literally) knowing there was a little girl on the way.  In her own words, "I just love babies!!"  It's moments like these I wish they were here to share the news and excitement, but I'm sure they're having a proud great-grandparent moment up in heaven telling the rest of their family and friends.

I miss them every day and three years later, I'm still doggy-paddling.  I know someday it won't be such a struggle and I'll be able to float.  

And for my brother, to whom I promised the "best video ever", this one's for you.  I remember these afternoons like it was yesterday and am so happy we took the initiative to take photographs, ask questions, and shoot video.  This particular video is priceless as a Grandma teaches her youngest grandchild about heaven.

I'll see you again someday, Momma Bird. Tweet, tweet.

My Bucket List

My Mom would always say that I had a list for everything. I'm a list maker. I love making lists. So, several years ago, I sat down and carefully wrote out my bucket list.  I wanted my goals to be 1). attainable and, mostly, realistic,  2). safe'ish, 3). taking into consideration both the small and big picture, and 4). FUN!!  It's exciting to have something to look forward to and so gratifying to fulfill a desire.

  

Bucket lists are as unique as the person writing them out. I'm sure many of the aspirations I've inventoried would be laughable to some, perhaps insignificant. But that's the beauty in a bucket list - IT'S ALL YOURS. You can add to it at anytime and you manage how quickly or slowly you cross off those items. You can conquer it alone, or with someone you love...or like.  I truly believe that if you set your mind to it, you can achieve just about anything. So why not dream big?

JOY'S BUCKET LIST

     1.    Swim with dolphins

     2.    Get into a cage and swim with sharks (note: sharks are outside the cage)

     3.    Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef

     4.    Ride an elephant in India

     5.    Visit the Taj Mahal

     6.    Visit the pyramids

     7.    Swim in all the oceans of the world

     8.    Photograph every ocean in the world

     9.    Skydive

   10.    Visit Mount Everest

   11.    Skinny dip

   12.    Spend the night in a haunted house alone

   13.    Sing in front of a large audience

   14.    Visit all 50 states

   15.    See the Northern Lights

   16.    Visit Sweden

   17.    Visit Savannah

   18.    Visit the Weribee Mansion in Australia

   19.    Sing "The Sound of Music" in the Alps

   20.    Learn Latin

   21.    Go horseback riding on the beach

   22.    Visit Greece

   23.    Visit every country in Europe and document it photojournalistcally

   24.    Be "in the pit" as a photographer for a concert  (Marc Broussard)

   

   25.    Sell one of my songs

   26.    Record an EP

   27.    See the Coliseum in Rome

   28.    Visit the birthplace of Jesus

   29.    Visit Golgotha - see the tomb of Jesus

   30.    Have my photographs published

   31.    Be hired by a magazine to travel and do photography

   32.    Meet Kiefer Sutherland

   33.    See a play on Broadway

   34.    See an opera in Italy

   35.    Sing on stage with Jeff

   36.    Visit all 7 continents

   37.    Make a terminally ill child's dream come true

   38.    Photo journal the day in the life of someone in a third world country

   39.    Teach the children's sermon at church

   40.    Have a baby and be a Mommy

   41.    Visit the birthplace of Motown

   42.    Take a photography class with Audrey Woulard

   43.    Spend the day taking pictures with Bryan Adams

   44.    Volunteer with Hospice

   45.    See Otis Williams (the last living original Temptation) perform

   

 
   46.    Fly on a trapeze

   47.    Meet Dr. Dre

   48.    Learn to play guitar proficiently

   49.    Perform one of my own songs live

   50.    Find that engaged couple I photographed last year (See story here)
   51.    Live/work in NYC
   52.    Meet Annie Liebovitz
   53.    Spend a summer in Montana

I wonder how many people reading this have accomplished some of the things on my list?  I wonder how many I've accomplished on yours?  Sure, some of the items are kind of trivial and some are really moving. Some seem pretty far fetched, but I think they're all doable. I may have to get pretty creative with a few of these. I mean, I never expected in a MILLION YEARS to see the last living Temptation perform - mostly because I thought they were all dead - but when I read that Otis Williams was in fact alive and well (and, thankfully, still touring) I knew I had a shot. A shot indeed. I even shook his hand. That's, like, extra credit bucket list points!!

The list will continue to grow for as long as I have goals to accomplish. And, as long as there's breath in me, and the good Lord allows, I plan to journey on.

So, what's on YOUR bucket list?

Abaco Adventures

Jeff and I had the privilege of photographing a very unique wedding in the Bahamas this past week.  Here's a little sneak peek at our personal experience on Man-O-War Cay in the Abacos. We were so incredibly blessed to have the opportunity to experience this place and are so grateful to Josh, Sarah, and all the parties involved that made this a reality.  I hope that by browsing our snapshots, we give you a complete picture (although photos cannot do this place justice) of life on the island.

As a native Floridian, most would be surprised I've never ventured the 200 miles east to the Bahamas.  I suppose my idea of the Bahamas was clouded as I envisioned islands of heavily laden tourist traps and the Atlantis Resort.  Besides, the color of the ocean water in Longboat Key seemed just as beautiful to me as any picture I had seen of the Bahamas.  Jeff had never been to the Bahamas either and we were excited to set out on this adventure of discovery together.

The adventure began when we arrived at Galaxy Aviation.  Jeff and I were curious to see what our airplane would look like and as we walked with the pilots out to the tarmac, we were laughing at how tiny the plane was.  In fact, I think Jeff was actually IN the cockpit helping fly the plane.

Our flight with Cherokee was smooth and not as alarming as I imagined it would be.  The 11 seater Cessna arrived safely in Marsh Harbour on Wednesday, May 11, 2011.  Watching the color of the water change from 5,000 feet in the air was nothing short of spectacular.  Little did we know, it was just a glimpse of what we were in for.

As our plane...err...puddle jumper touched down, a golf cart raced along side us.  Quite a different greeting than that of other airports we had experienced.

 

We gathered our bags and cleared customs with an arm wave and a, "go ahead," with little notice to the bags of photo equipment and tripod stands we were carrying.  And it was off to the ferry to take us on a 30 minute ride over to Man-O-War Cay.  I took a photo of our boat and later noticed the stingray that photo bombed the picture.  Welcome to the Bahamas!

We were warmly greeted at the dock on Man-O-Way by the bride and groom, their friends and family.  We loaded up golf carts with our luggage and equipment and off we went down the dusty unpaved roads to our beautiful, quaint, and very charming, accommodations.

The weather was gorgeous while we were there, and we slept with the windows open every night.  The island gets an incredible breeze and you need a light sweater in the evening once the sun goes down. Because Man-O-War is so clean and safe, we left our door unlocked every day and never thought twice about doing so. 

Our hosts were kind enough to let us borrow their golf cart during our stay with them.  Having a golf cart wasn't necessary, per se, but it certainly was helpful.

Driving on the left side of the road (or path) took a little getting used to, but it was kinda fun to do.  On this 3-mile island, there really are no paved roads.  The roads are sand or dirt and pretty narrow, with a few spots barely allowing two golf carts to pass at the same time.  Having this experience helped us understand, and appreciate, the logistics of getting from place to place and the complexity of getting supplies from outer islands and bringing them into Man-O-War. 

You thought we had it bad?  A golf cart has a 6 gallon tank and costs almost $40 to fill up!  There was only one gas pump on the island.

There was one bank on the island and it was only open on Wednesdays between the hours of 10-2.  There were no ATM machines.  There were two restaurants: Dock & Dine served lunch and dinner, except on Sundays, and Bradley's served lunch and dinner, as well, although we never quite caught them when they were open for business.  Dock & Dine had incredible food which surprised us considering we were in the middle of nowhere.  At every meal, Jeff encouraged me to try the local delicacy, conch.  By the trips end, I still hadn't tried it and I doubt I ever will.  Too many memories of boiling conch shells in Sanibel and watching the slug like creatures crawl out and shrivel.  Yuck.  

There are two grocery stores, although they're more like a convenience store, not really offering a lot of variety.  Small supplies of bottled water, juices, soda, paper products, canned goods, and over-the-counter medicines.  If anything runs out, residents would only be able to find what they need on an outlying island 30 minutes or more away and need to ship it back with them on the ferry.  Not exactly a convenience.  It's a dry island as well, so locals and visitors rely on bringing in liquor from other islands on their way into Man-O-War.

On Sunday, the restaurants and grocery store are closed.  There are fliers posted around the island advertising lunch and dinner, following church, at local's houses.  You literally drive your golf cart up to their home, walk into the house and they make you a burger or sandwich and have an assortment of side dishes you can purchase, like potato salad, french fries, and rice and peas.  There's a baker on the island as well, Lola; she makes bread and pastries in her kitchen.  We had heard so much about her famous cinnamon buns, that Jeff and I drove to her house one morning, walked into her kitchen, where we were greeted by Lola and her husband, and offered fresh baked bread, cinnamon buns, and rolls. Lola was a native of Man-O-War, 2nd generation, and the rumors were true - the cinnamon buns were as big as my face and so delicious.

Jeff did most of the left-hand-side-of-the-path driving on the trip, and we explored all 3 miles of the island from end to end, side to side (again, thanks to the golf cart!)

On our travels, we passed an old abandoned home that we decided we wanted to buy.  It had potential and a lot of character.

This was an area just a few yards away from our cottage called "The Narrows".  It's a narrow stretch of the island that separates the Atlantic Ocean from the Sea of Abaco.

We did most of our swimming in the Sea of Abaco, although we did sneak in one night-time dip in the warm waters of the Atlantic.  The water in the sea was crystal clear (just like all the photos I had seen of the Bahamas) but experiencing it was totally different. Photos can't even begin to recreate the atmosphere.  It was more than just seeing it with your eyes, it was hearing the water lap the shore; it was feeling the crispness and bite of the cool sea water; it was smelling the salt in the air.  

Being exposed to the sea life was another wonderful discovery! Interestingly enough, we didn't see many fish, but we saw lots of starfish and they were fascinating creatures.  The first day in the sea, we had masks and snorkels and found sand dollars, but the elusive sea biscuits were still a mystery to us.

FACT: Sand dollars that are living are dark in color and covered in a fuzzy coating; dead sand dollars are white.  

After a relaxing afternoon in the sea, we brought home our treasure.  We were 3 sand dollars richer.

Once our afternoon of fun was over, it was time to head back to the cottage and shower for dinner.  Water is in short commodity here.  One family had a machine that pulls the moisture of humidity out of the air and turns it into water, yielding approximately 5 gallons of water per day.  Another family relied solely on the rain to fill their cistern and provide them with enough water to shower, cook, wash dishes and clothes.  What happens if they run out?  They have to buy bottled water until the rain comes and offers them another option. 

Our days were spent at the beach, in the water, and exploring the island, and our nights were spent at the groom's step-father's house watching the sunset and hanging out with new friends.  I was telling a friend recently that, while I've seen many sunsets - both on the west coast of Florida and California - I've never seen a sunset quite like the ones we saw in the Bahamas.  There's an excitement and gathering during sunsets.  At the groom's step-father's house, we would gather on the balcony and watch as the sun sank into the ocean.  It was then customary to sound the horn after the sun disappeared, and other homeowners followed suit, blowing their horns (or conch shells) to announce the suns departure.

A little sidenote here: It wasn't all sand, sun and beach during our trip, although we did have our share.  We did a lot of pre-wedding and wedding photography while we were there too and have some phenomenal photos to share. :)  I'm purposely not posting those pictures because it's a surprise and deserves it's own separate blog elsewhere.

Now, back to the sand, sun and beach...

Since we had missed taking advantage of low tide on all the other days, we made plans on our last full day in the Abacos to hit the beach when the water receded so we could get a different view, and hopefully find some sea biscuits.

We finally tracked down sea biscuits in these shallow waters. Here's a living one, complete with a fuzzy rust colored coating.

This far from shore, starfish were peppered along the sea floor.  I loved them so much, I snapped several shots of every one I found.

Taking starfish out of the water can be a little traumatic for them, I'm assuming.  Their little suction cup legs stretch out, looking for home.  When you pick up a starfish water drains from them, so putting them back in, you're supposed to turn them upside down (underbelly up) and allow them to absorb water so they can sink back down to the bottom.  I had one little guy (shown below) who kept floating back up to the surface and couldn't sink.  Jeff and I spent a few minutes with him trying this process over and over so we didn't accidentally kill him.  I'm happy to report the starfish was saved and finally latched back onto the sea floor.

We walked from the shore out to the reef and found some sea biscuits to take home with us.



All in all, it was an amazing 6 days and 5 nights spent in the Bahamas. I think we were spoiled, having experienced a slower lifestyle than the more fast and touristy pace of the other locations like Freeport and Nassau.  We met some amazing people and learned so much about simplicity and how you really don't need a lot to make you happy.  And we have to admit, it was nice to be away from cell phones, TV, computers, traffic, and the stress of everyday life.  Jeff and I realized that while we were there, we didn't curse or fall into any of the routines that we were accustomed to.  We hope to go back someday soon and visit this quiet little island and new friends we made along the way.