Delay

”You may delay, but time will not.” - Benjamin Franklin

My Facebook feed is peppered with statuses and photos captioned #YOLO. Be adventurous! Take chances! But there's an important lesson I've learned recently and that is the understanding that you may only get one opportunity to do it right the first time; we're never guaranteed a second chance. That’s probably why #YOLT didn’t catch on.

Every moment from my past, good or bad, has shaped me into the person I am today. I've made some terrible mistakes and learned from them, but I don't view those moments as regrets, rather learning experiences. At the same time, I honestly can’t say I’ve lived a life with no regrets; at least not after this past year.

My Dad had two brothers, John and Julian, and two sisters, Lavinia and Mae. After my Dad passed away in 2003, my Mom became the medium in bridging the gap to keep us connected with the Groover side of the family. So, when my Mom passed away in 2009, we all just sort of fell out of touch with our extended Groover relatives.

It wasn’t until I lost my parents that I began to truly appreciate and understand how precious it was to spend time with the people you love while you still have them here. I made sure to ask my Mom questions, to take pictures, to record her voice, take video of her telling family stories. I often regretted not doing this with my father and wish I knew more about him and my Groover roots.



Mae Day Groover - Ritter



A couple years ago I picked up the phone and called my Dad’s sister, my Aunt Mae, in Texas. What did I know about Aunt Mae besides I hadn’t personally spoken with her in years? I knew she was named after her mother, Ena Mae; she was born on May 1^st, May Day; and was aptly named “Mae Day Groover”…no joke. As I dialed her number, I got a lump in my throat thinking, “What if she doesn’t answer? What if she already died and I’ve missed the opportunity to talk to her?” When I heard her 90-year-old trembling voice on the other end, my eyes welled up with tears. We spoke for about 45 minutes and she regaled me with stories about my Dad and what life was like growing up with her 4 brothers and sisters. 

My grandfather, uncle, and aunts



My great-grandparents grave in Savannah, GA



I grinned ear to ear at every new revelation and feverishly scribbled down her words so every story could be recalled later. She then suggested I call my Aunt Lavinia (named after her grandmother) who, as she said, “Has the best memory of all us kids” and get more information. My Aunt Lavinia lived in Canal Point, which is a tiny community settled around Lake Okeechobee, lots of sugarcane fields, and only about an hour’ish drive from my house. My Dad would visit her from time to time but, for some reason, I had never been out there. On the rare occasion, I’d see her at funerals and family celebrations, but the last time I had spoken with her was the night my Mom passed away. After I hung up with my Aunt Mae, I resolved to go visit my Aunt Lavinia and spend time with her – after all, she was the closest living relative to my Dad that I still had. Weeks went by…months…I would call my brother, Chris, and discuss how we would go next weekend or the weekend after that…and even though she was only a short drive away, I never went.

I thought of her often and knew I wanted to go see her but I always put if off. Over time, procrastination turned to dread as I imagined I had missed my chance. Finally, I picked up the phone and called my Aunt Lavinia. My heart dropped when I heard the recording, “This number is no longer in service.” I was flushed with sadness, expecting the worst but still hoping for the best as I typed her name in the Google search engine: Lavinia Parker. It turned up just one result: 

Lavinia G. Parker, age 94 of Murray, Ky., 

formerly of Canal Point, Fla.,

passed away Sunday, October 30, 2011 in Murray, Ky.



Lavinia Archer Groover - Parker



There's no way to get that time back. I will never get a second chance to ask those questions (at least not while I'm on earth anyway). I needed to pick up the phone two years ago and call her; a lesson learned, but always a regret.
My Aunt Mae passed away in September 2011, just one month before her sister. I am so thankful to have shared time with her so I could piece together a few of the scraps that make up the quilt of our Groover family. I’ll always wish I knew more about my German/Swedish lineage and about the Groover/Johannson traditions. 

And now, a new generation of Groovers are busy making memories with their families. Armed with the details I do have, I'll do my best to honor old traditions and create new beginnings with my family someday. 

When your loved ones go, they take their memories with them. Engage them in conversation and record every precious word. Visit with them and record their expressions and inflection as they recall moments from the past. Share the legacy with generations to come and keep the memory alive. You (and they) only live once!