Putting It All In Perspective

I've been incredibly blessed to have my Mom in my life for the past 33 years.

She has defied medical odds twice now. My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer the same year she had me. It was very aggressive and ultimately spread bilaterally. Her doctors didn't expect her to live a year. She prayed that she would just be able see me graduate from Kindergarten. She told me that story the day of my high school graduation.

And here we are again. My Mom has a large tumor in both lungs that has spread throughout her chest, neck and adrenal glands. It's growing into her heart cavity and has become increasingly painful. The tumor was initially found February 2007. It's now January 2009 and she's surviving...having opted to not seek any form of treatment.

She has good days and she has bad days but it seems they're more bad than good lately.

I honestly don't know how much time she has left but trying to wrap my mind around it is dizzying. The entire experience has changed me so much but it has also brought some wonderful blessings into my life.

1). It has brought the six of us kids (my 3 older brothers, 2 older sisters and I) so much closer. I've learned to trust and lean on my siblings more than I ever have before.

2). It has brought my Mom and I closer and we've had the opportunity to talk and talk and talk. I'm so thankful for that. For the special moments when it's just her and I and she imparts some beautiful piece of motherly advice. I cherish and hang on her every word.

3). It has helped me put life's trivial woes into perspective. I won't say more than that on the subject.

4). My faith has increased exponentially. My Mom introduced Christianity into my life as a small child and there's a peace knowing that we will see each other again someday.

I am forever changed because of this experience. To be honest, I feel a little cheated as I've had to lose my parents at way too young of an age. I'm just getting to the crossroads in life where I need my Mom to tell me how to quiet my crying baby in the middle of the night. She's the heart of this family and I'm not sure how we carry on without her. And while I've put on a brave front for the past 2 years, I am devastated.

When it does happen, and I feel it will be very very soon, I'm reminded of the love of family and friends and the comfort I've known from sharing this experience with all of them.

My world is spinning wildly these days and there is nothing I can do to stop it.